Cheap humour

US Blames Northern Lights on Russia, Imposes Sanctions, Threatens War

The U.S. State Department has accused Russia of hacking into the ionosphere and generating excessive and annoying levels of Northern Lights.  The ongoing display of light saber rattling, apparently a misguided attempt to “show off” the technological prowess of their teams of warmongering physicists, extends its “tentacles of terror” deep into the sovereign territory of the U.S. and its European allies.  This has resulted in widespread panic in U.S. cities like Buffalo, NY and Detroit, MI, where public displays of drunkenness and rowdiness have skyrocketed.

While no evidence of Russian responsibility has been offered, White House spokesperson, Josh Earnest, recently stated:  “The motive is obvious.  The constant flashing and gyrating shapes in the sky are intended to cause sleep deprivation.  When people don’t get enough sleep, their guard is down.  The Russians are trying to undermine our national security with this cheap stunt.  It’s an unprecedented act of aggression and, trust me, will not go unanswered.  We are coordinating our response with the Department of Defense, NSA, CIA, and Hayden Planetarium in New York.”