Airport security

These fairly normal behaviors are considered TSA red flags

What do you have to do to catch TSA's attention? Surprisingly little. Here are 12 behaviors that might cause TSA to tab you as a terrorist threat:

1. "Excessive yawning" is a TSA warning behavior. So watch it, baby.
2. "Appears to be in disguise" will earn you three points.
3. Benjamin Franklin would have been subjected to additional search because the TSA lists almanacs as a suspicious item.
4. Arriving late or close to departure time and not knowing where to find your gate will earn you four points. Which seems fairly ridiculous considering no one who is late for their flight is composed or completely oriented.
5. "Widely open staring eyes" are a potential mark of a terrorist.
6. "Gazing down" could land you in hot water, so gaze forward into the middle distance at all times. But not with wide, staring eyes. That'll get you in trouble.
7. Calm down, kitty. "Exaggerated or repetitive grooming gestures" are considered possible terrorist signals.
8. Nothing shouts your guilt like "excessive throat clearing."
9. Beware of men with pale, shaved faces (as in, you recently shaved off your terrorist beard).
10. For those of us who go from warm locales to cold ones, make sure you come to the airport in your down jacket. "Wearing improper attire for location" is a warning sign for TSA.
11. It might not be the worst thing to remove people who make "excessive complaints about the screening process" from the TSA line. At least it will momentarily separate you from your whiny aunt.
12. "Whistling as the individual approaches the screening process."